


Cracc Attacc

by GayGothicFanboy



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24725941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayGothicFanboy/pseuds/GayGothicFanboy
Summary: Basically, Travis is ordered to clean up Archer's quarters and he notices something that shouldn't be there.
Kudos: 2





	Cracc Attacc

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nbVulcan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbVulcan/gifts).



So its was a normal day in space. Well more like night-day cause its both in space dust land.

Travis was looking through a box of Archer's old stuff cause he's a snek. Then he found some purple powder.

Hoshi saw him with it. She said, "oh shit! U a snek. And Archer's dum cause he didn't finish his cracc. Damn. I'm gonna be arrested by space police."

Travis blinked a couple of times. "I'm sorry Hoshi…. But what the fuck?"

"Oh! Mr snek boy! I'll tell u." Hoshi leaned in close and seid, "I is a drug lorde."

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?"

But Hoshi had already started to snort the mystical powder. "Ummm."

"How do you feel?" Phlox, who just walked in, asked Hoshi for some odd fucking reason.

"i FeEl fUcKiNg gAy!!!!" Hoshi yelled.

"Would you care to explain?" Phlox wanted to know more cause he's a snek too.

"TITTIES!" Hoshi yelled, disappearing down the hall.

Phlox and Travis exchanged worried snek glances cause they're both sneks. They ran after her.

Phlox asked, "why is the guy who sings the Arthur song sound Jamaican?"

Travis ignored Phlox. He knew that Phlox already was on cracc. And it would only be a matter of time before the whole ship was infected.

They made it to the main area.

Hoshi quickly kissed T'Pol.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK HOSHI!!!!" T'Pol the slug yelled.

Hoshi slithered away toward Archer. She bit his ankle. "Ship war…tuckerreed duuuude." Hoshi the druggy snek approached Travis and yelled, "Shrek! Where were you during ship war!" She slapped him and then galloped away.

Travis rubbed where he was slapped. "What the hell?"

Archer started running around like a mad man singing. Phlox joined him.

Archer said, "we're gonna sing britney spears…"

Phlox and Archer: you don't know you're beautiful.

Trip kicked both of them and said, "I'm gonna sing some lady gaga… when i was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a lemur band."

Archer said, "that's not lady gaga this is… make it count, play it straight, don't look back, don't hesitate when u go big time."

Trip nodded. "Oh yeah. That's lady gaga."

Malcolm then teleported onto Trip's head using his powers that will be explained in chapter 787,288,298,892,298,182,982,928,563,102,787,288,298,892,298,182,982,928,563,102787,288,298,892,298,182,982,928,563,102.

"TUCKER REED ERMAHGERD!!!!" Hoshi gasped.

"It be tucker reed," Archer meowed as he turned into a cat.

T'Pol was in the corner becoming an emo green tumor. She cut herself. Then she sang a really emo song. "Nah nah honey im good i could have another but i probably should not i have somebody at home and if i stay i wont leave alone."

Then the space police jumped through the window using the prime directive as toilet paper to wipe their ass. "Where's the cracc? We've gotta arrest it."

"NOPE." hoshi said.

The police guy said, "you can't use cracc."

"HOW BOUT I DO ANYWAY." Hoshi yeeted herself toward something which caused the police guys to die in a tornado.

Then Travis blew up.

**

"What have you got their, Phlox?" Hoshi asked, peering over the doctor's shoulder.

"You know...just some good old fashioned porn," Phlox nervously said.

Hoshi rolled her eyes. "Porn isn't on a piece of construction paper. So tell me the truth."

Phlox sighed. "It's fanfiction."

Hoshi raised an eyebrow. "Can I read it?"

Phlox nodded.

Hoshi peered over Phlox's shoulder to read it. "You really think I'm a drug lord?" Hoshi sniffled.

Phlox said, "No! Of course not." He thought she was going to cry.

Hoshi laughed. She pulled out needles. "So are you looking for some heroin?" She opened her jacket. There was drugs taped to the inside of it. "I've got anything, you'd want."

The end?


End file.
